Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to Faces of Atlantic, a series hosted by Terianne Richards that gets real with the leaders, change makers and everyday doers shaping Atlantic Canada. Each conversation dives beyond titles to uncover the grit, growth and human stories behind the work.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: This is Faces of Atlantic, where we go beyond titles and talk about the real human side of leadership. I'm Terianne Richards and today I'm sitting down with somebody that I hold very near and dear, Colette Martin, to uncover the story behind her as a leader. Thank you, Colette, for being here.
[00:00:45] Speaker C: Thank you for having me.
[00:00:47] Speaker B: Super stoked to share your story because obviously you and I have had a lot of behind the scenes conversation over the years about you, about your advocacy work. But before we dig into all the stuff that I know is googleable about you on the socials, why don't you strip away those titles and just talk to me about who are you really? Like, who are you as a human?
[00:01:12] Speaker C: Well, I'm just a regular person that's been through a lot of trauma. Every day it's a struggle and I'm not gonna try to pretend that I just healed overnight because that's not real.
I struggle every day to keep going.
And I'm the mother of three. That's been a blessing, thank God, because they get me through a lot of this.
And also I'm a survivor, a victim and an advocate. On some days I consider myself a worrier.
Other days I'm just a regular person that's trying to get through life and trying to give others hope by sharing it.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: So we met many years ago and I'd love it if you gave some context because I think there's a reality to your story that be the through line through our conversation that might get missed if somebody doesn't know the part of your story that matters and also the part of the story that is linked to what you just said. So do you want to share a little bit about what this story is and a little bit about your journey of how you've become an advocate and also what you're an advocate for? Because I think that'll be the through line.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: Well, I'm the victim, survivor of domestic violence.
I was almost murdered 28 years ago and now I'm sharing my story to give others hope. I want to be that person that I would have needed 28 years ago that was not available to me. I mean, there's a lot of, you know, doctors and psychologists and stuff, but I really needed somebody to relate with, somebody that had gone through similar things. As I've gone through, and there was nobody, because nobody talked about this. And this is what I'm trying to change.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: So a lot's changed in the last few years. When I first met you, you were just starting your warrior mode. Really, like, you were like, all right, I'm about to make some noise and I want to make change. And you were talking about making change locally and for folks who haven't figured out we're landing here, but you have done a lot in a short amount of time on this path of being an advocate and creating change as it pertains to domestic violence and the structures that are there that are sometimes helping and the structures that are there that are sometimes hindering change in this area.
Talk to me about what you've been doing, because, you know, I probably only know half, and it's a lot. Right. Like, I feel like if I just listed it, I'm like, you've spoke in lots of places. I feel like you did. I don't know if it was a mini documentary or something up in Quebec, and I feel like there's something else in the park. So talk to me about what's been going on and some of the changes that you might be seeing because of this effort.
[00:04:12] Speaker C: Well, the short documentary was filmed in Ontario with the Women's Crisis Services of Waterloo, and that was in July of 20, and it was released in October 2023. And it's been quite a blessing in my life because people are listening. They know that silence is not an option, that we need to share our stories to be heard.
And I think that we're starting a revolution here. I think people are really starting to listen, and not just women, men are also listening.
And I think that's the beauty of that. We're all doing this together.
[00:04:50] Speaker B: What has been some changes that you've been able to either see and witness from when you first started this work to now? Something, maybe even that you've been a part of.
What have you witnessed?
[00:05:02] Speaker C: In December of 2022, we passed Bill 17, which is a Disclosure to Protect Against Intimate Partner Violence Act.
So it gives us the right to know and the right to ask about a partner's possible history of domestic abuse. They're not using it yet, but at least it was given Royal assent. So we know it's coming. I think they're doing. They're figuring out who's going to do what.
And as long as it works out and we're able to save lives, it's all about preventing us from being in these Situations. And for myself, I didn't know what I didn't know, and there was no education out there. And if I would have had this bill, I could have helped and I could have made an informed decision about my own. I didn't even know that my ex had previous charges. And I found I want my attempted murder trial.
So I was part of that. Last year, I was inducted in the Crime Prevention hall of Fame in Fredericton, which I'm very, very proud of. And I became a champion for Nelson Hurt a few years.
And prevention is.
They nominated me for this award. And I was really surprised they surprised me like this. I had no clue. They invited me to attend because they told me that I may receive an award. But when I got there, it was a top award. And I really wasn't expecting that. And I was blown away by all the love and compassion and people really wanting to make a difference.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: So when I think of you and your story and the energy and the effort that you've been putting in, this has kind of become, you know, your life's work, your life's purpose.
Obviously, a lot of things have changed. A lot of movement is happening. There's a lot more awareness, a lot more conversation around it.
What keeps you going? Right, because there's this side to the work that you're doing, which is you're still in the space of what hurt you all those years ago.
But there's this warrior in you that wants to see change.
What is it within you? And maybe not even I think we know what's in you, but how do you keep going and ensure that you're able to sustain this effort and this energy that you're putting into work that is so needed and also still in a lot of corners, still very taboo.
[00:07:33] Speaker C: Well, my faith keeps me going. I believe that there's a higher power in all of this, obviously, because I've suffered a lot of trauma, and not just that night. You know, every day since, it's been a really hard time. But I know that so many people need to hear the truth.
And like I said a while ago, silence is not an option. And we protect the abuser if we don't talk about it. And then it keeps getting worse and worse and worse. And we need people up there, you know, people that can make a change to work with us.
I think that survivors are the real experts because we've lived it and nobody. Doesn't matter how much you want to relate to this. If you haven't been through it, you don't know how we feel, and I know there's a lot of people that want to know or think that they know exactly what we're going through, but they don't. You don't. Until you live out, what do you.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: See as next steps, what's still needed. Right. And I'm talking about, you know, whether it's what's needed in government, what's needed with police, what's needed in community, what's needed in organizations, wherever you want to land.
What work still needs to be done to make this better.
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Well, first thing, we need to believe the survivors, believe the victims. A lot of money has to go into training all the government agencies.
We need to be part of the conversation.
And even though, like, they say that they want us to share our stories, we're still not let out there to, you know, we're not given the chance. We're not invited to these tables where we should be a part of. And not just myself, anybody that's in this sector, you know, we don't want to keep opening shelters. We want to close them. So, you know, it's okay to say that you're going to give money or you're going to make a difference and stuff, but I haven't seen any difference, really. Last year there was 187 women murdered by their partners or somebody in their family. And, you know, there's a couple of women that were pregnant, children, their lives were taken away.
And I don't think that they're doing as much as they could do. And that's not pointing the finger at anybody in particular.
It's just I don't think that they really understand what it is.
[00:10:11] Speaker B: Yeah, you need a seat at the table. That's what I'm hearing here is individuals who have lived it, have experienced it, and are willing to share need an opportunity to shed light on all the gaps in the dark spaces that somebody who's never been there, who may be looking at this from a very logical perspective, which makes sense and that's necessary, but you need all the nuances that come from lived reality that maybe will bridge the gap to what actually is necessary and what's needed. Because I think the reality is, is there are things that they're bringing to light or processes or tools and strategies they're bringing to the table.
But from your perspective and others that I've spoke to, it's not always the right things for the people they're trying to help.
[00:11:02] Speaker C: That's right. While they're taking their time, and I know it's a lot to figure out, but we're dying, keeps going at this rate, I don't know what's going to happen to us.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: That's scary. That's very scary.
So as you started to go down this path of taking on, in a lot of ways, a leadership role, an advocate role in a space that a lot of people would rather put their shoulder to their back to, because that's just the reality. Right. What has changed for you as a person, as a leader, in the way you're showing up? Because there's a lot of something that's helping to inspire and empower you. So what's shifted? What has changed that allows you to do this work?
[00:11:46] Speaker C: Well, my health was getting really, really bad, and it was a lot easier for me to, you know, lay in bed and literally die of worrying about what's next.
And I had to get up and fight. And, you know, my mom was dying in November of 2019, and before she died, she told me to get rid of everything that hurt me.
And this is really what sparked all of this fuel that I have to keep going. It's not been easy. Losing my mom was one of the worst traumas. You know, it's not comparable to what I've been through.
And I know with all the wisdom and the smarts that she had, she knew exactly what she was talking about, about. And this is what brought me to here. This is what's keeping me going. My children are so proud of me. Every day one of them has a comment about what I'm doing.
I think that's what keeps me going, is all the love and the support that I get from my family.
And not to say that there isn't. There isn't a lot of, you know, backlash and a lot of non supporters, but I think that they give me the strength to keep going.
Since I started this, I was told that I couldn't do this, and why would I do this? What would I get out of it? I don't really want anything out of it. I just want to save lives and give others hope and let them know that they're not alone.
I mean, I'm not a police officer. I'm not God. I can't go out and protect women like I would want to, but at least I give them that hope that we so need when we're in a situation like this.
I've had a lot of talks with women from all over the world, and I hear comments every day that I let their way like that, I light their way, that I show them that If I can do it, they can do it too.
And I think that's the most beautiful feeling in the world.
And testimonials are what keeps me going.
[00:13:58] Speaker B: Talk to me about naysayers because I think there's a really gross truth to doing things that are unconventional, to pushing limits, to showing up and having hard conversations that potentially others would shy away from. I understand that these naysayers, the negative nellies of the world, they give you fuel. But how do you actually internalize that? Like how do you. Because I mean, I see it from my perspective. I couldn't imagine what you would receive. And I talked to many individuals, whether they're advocates, leaders of organizations, founders of entrepreneurs.
That negativity that can come from people closest to us and also complete strangers.
How do you deal with that? What do you do for self care to be able to mitigate?
[00:14:47] Speaker C: Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been trying to work on myself, trying to get my health back. I've dealt with a lot of really hard, you know, sicknesses. The only thing I can do is just, you know, keep positive mind, trick my brain into, you know, trying to forget all the bad things and just keep going. And you know, I've been told a lot of really nasty things, that I was a liability, that I would never amount to anything. But you know, I think that when they say stuff like that, it gives me fire and fuel to do it even more. Like know how they say take pictures and post them and show the world what you're doing. And I think being a victim and a survivor, you always want to keep the proof anyway and show it, you know, and that's why, like, it's unbelievable how selfish and uncompassionate people can be when it comes to, you know, asking me why I didn't leave. Like that was said to me years ago. And I did leave. I did everything right, actually. I kicked him out of my house.
But people don't want to see that.
So many people don't want you to be happy. They just try to use that against you. And I'm not going to let them stop me. I'm just going to keep pushing and keep, you know, when one door closes, there's always another one.
And I sit with God a lot. I talk to my mom, try to walk as much as I can. I play a lot of music.
I love doing social media, like the posts and stuff, to inspire others. I do that a lot.
Some people don't like that. And I'm at the point in my life where I really don't care. I'm going to keep going anyway because this is what I need to do. This is my purpose, and I'm walking in my purpose right now.
Keep doing it until the end.
God is the only one that knows where my end is here. And until then, I'm not going to let Nancy or stop me.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: Good for you. And you know what? I think there's such a strength in what you're saying and in the words that you're using. Because I think the reality of it is, is there will always be, whether they're loud or quiet, individuals that just don't want for your success. And I know we all want to pretend that everybody just wants everyone to be successful, but the reality is, is there's just folks that don't, for whatever reason, they got their own troubles, their own demons, their own whatever. But to be able to understand who you are, what your mission is, what your purpose is, and almost like, like a bulletproof vest, allow those things to hit, maybe bruise, but not allow them to halt you on that path, that takes a level of bravery and courage that, you know, not all of us have. And that's the truth. So kudos to you for continuing on this journey and doing the work that you're doing. And I know that this is the type of topic that makes people uncomfortable. I get that. Let me call that out, like in, you know, the elephant in the room. As it is, if you've never experienced it or you've never known anyone to experience it, it feels like some foreign island, you know, off the coast of Bermuda that you just don't even understand and can't fathom. And so you don't speak about it, you don't acknowledge it, and you don't understand it.
But if you've lived it, and the data shows there are a lot of individuals who are and have lived it and unfortunately haven't been able to live through it. The reality is it is an everybody problem and it is a community conversation. And things do need to shift because it's not a one type of socioeconomic human that has this happen to them. It happens in all income levels, it happens in all demographics, and it happens in all areas.
And I mean, I think that's, from my perspective, why I wanted to shine a light on the work you're doing, but also like some of the levels you've been able to bring yourself to. And I know you're such a humble human and you don't even recognize some of the Things that you've been able to bring to fruition.
Right. Like you're working on this documentary that, you know, you don't know when it's coming out, but, like, all of a sudden you have this other thing where they're going to be shining a light on your story specifically.
And, you know, bringing in different individuals.
[00:19:20] Speaker C: To share different perspectives of what that.
[00:19:22] Speaker B: Journey looked and what that will allow is a. Anybody who's sitting in a similar spot to be seen. Right. And I think that's leadership. Right? Like, when I think of leadership, it's, you know, I think of a lighthouse. I think of a lighthouse that is literally built in the roughest spot. It's at the edge of a rock cliff where the sea is the most chaotic, where the fog rolls in and it's set there to shine a light outwardly so that others can find their way safely to the shore.
And it's not an easy job because it's rough and the sea is relentless.
But here you are doing work just as a lighthouse would, so that others can find their way and also so that those who don't understand the conversation in general start to shift their perspective and maybe open their eyes to going, hey, this isn't a them problem.
It's a community problem. And it's also a community conversation.
[00:20:27] Speaker C: That's right. And like, education is the main thing. Like, I know that it's hard. Like, I would never go to a school and share my story with little kids because I would never want to traumatize them or, you know, some people don't even know they're going through well. But we have to realize that everyone needs to hear this.
Everyone needs to hear it at a certain level.
And if we keep saying, no, these kids are too small, they're too young. And I don't mean the little ones. But, you know, like, my story is no worse than watching the movie Halloween.
And there's not one kid out there and their teen years that haven't watched that movie.
So are they allowed to watch this movie? But my story is too bad for them to listen to. This is where we have to change that, because everyone needs to hear what happens in real life. We need to have those real conversations.
We need kids to know that it's not right.
[00:21:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:28] Speaker C: In this situation, and they don't even know.
[00:21:30] Speaker B: Isn't that scary to think that people can be in a situation as bad as yours was? And the multitude of ones that you've heard over the years and I've heard and think, well, this will get better. This might change. It's not that bad. Da, da, da, da, da. Whatever story they have in their head or they're embarrassed, they don't want to tell their friends, they don't want to tell their family. And I know there are so many people who potentially, you know, if you're still listening or watching, are thinking, well, not in my house and not in my family and not me, but it's possible. And if you don't have the education, like you're saying, the work that you are doing, you may not know what that next step is. You might not even know what resources are available to you to help you get to that next step.
[00:22:17] Speaker C: Even myself, like, for 20 some years, I thought I was the only one, because I never heard anybody else talk about this.
You could just imagine the eye opener I got when I started sharing my story. And then, like, thousands and thousands and probably people from all over the world. Like, I help a lady all the way from New guinea get her life back with the contacts made in Australia, you know, from India. Sent me a message the other day, and she said, like, you opened my eyes.
You know, there's so many of us out there, but we just need to hear somebody say, it's okay. You're not alone. I know you can't. You know, you're not superwoman. You can't save the world, but you're giving us hope.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: You know what? I will say it over and over again, but I appreciate you. I appreciate the work that you're doing. I know it feels, in some ways, you know, based on our private conversations, like you're climbing Mount Everest. But just know that, you know, you are changing lives, but you're also changing perspectives to the rest of us. Right? And there's a belief that you have certainly instilled in me that even when it's hard, as long as the work is worth it, you keep going and you have that spirit. And I'm so grateful that I was introduced to you all those years ago, and I'm grateful that you're doing this work for women of the globe, but especially here in Atlantic Canada.
And I wish you so much health and love and the courage to keep going on your journey. And I just thank you so much for sharing today with me.
[00:23:57] Speaker C: And I'd also like to say that within, like, in the next months, like, my book will be out too. Like, there's so much happening, and I'm so excited. And, Terri, you know, the first time that we met was I wanted to know how to write a book because I knew that you so for a mutual friend of ours introduced us. And I appreciate all the coaching sessions that you had with me to help me through this. And you really were with me from the beginning, and I so appreciate you and I love you.
[00:24:30] Speaker B: I love you too, girl. Thank you.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: This has been Faces of Atlantic with host Terianne Richards. Real conversations with the people shaping Atlantic Canada.
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